i guess i should write something

well, it's been awhile since i've posted. really, not much has been happening.
let me first give a shout out to all my asian friends who may now be offended by the fact that i do not like bubble tea. as peipei pointed out, i am after all only 1/16 chinese, thus, the german ruled in this case. can't hate me for my genetics, can you?
this week has been uneventful. going to work, going to class, going to starbucks and having some calm tea. i have been trying to be calm this week. while every other grad student at starbucks is trying to hype themselves on caffeine, i am trying to calm down. i've just been really anxious this week. i had a bit of an attack on tuesday and it took me ahwile to calm down. i think, as someone pointed out, that there is a snowball effect. i get anxious for no apparent reason, and then i get anxious about the fact that i am getting anxious for no apparent reason. i get anxious as well because i worry an anxiety attack will trigger another seizure. so i am trying to be calm, calm, calm this week. and it is hard. when i get into this anxious state, i turn into a huge freak and can't stand anything--like i want to crumble when a car alarm goes off, or when the dog barks, or when the annoying kids who live accross the alley start their afternoon screaming.

this is all a sign that i just need to get out of here and be done.