one year

a year ago yesterday, i left south africa. i year ago today, i arrived in germany. i wrote my housemate from south africa a text message: "i arrived. it is cold and dark." it was quite a shock coming from sunny south africa to the dark winter of europe.
sitting here now, it is quite a shock what all has happened during the past 365 days.

i worked at a car rental company for 5 weeks because i needed the money.
i moved back to denver and spent two days in the car with my mom and my dog. i survived a night in utah.
i found an apartment in denver.
i decided working full-time and taking 18 credits was a good idea.
nawa and i struggled with house-training in a new environment.
hansen's in denver almost ruined my 25th birthday party.
i drank a lot of gin.
i went to new york and dc with zero money in my bank account.
i lost my first job unwillingly because the company for which i was consulting didn't listen to my advice and the client was unhappy.
i had several somewhat major financial crises.
i had a seizure.
i had another seizure.
i had to take a lot of tests.
i decided to only get one master's degree.
i was fat (see prom pictures--not so pretty).
i finished school.
i went to AZ and LA with LJ.
i moved to iowa.
i vowed never to take amtrak again.
i was bored.
i got a job making coffee and pretending to be people's friends.
i lost thirty pounds.
i got rid of most of my possessions.
i reconnected with my family.
i went to germany.
i felt great.
i came back to iowa.
i did more purging and more of keeping myself busy.
i still make coffee.
i need a real job.

i feel lonely and do not know what to do next. but i am actually okay. i am okay with this in a weird way. because in a lot of ways, i am better off because of everything.

you guys deserve to know, because you've been with me through most of this.
smooches.