thank you for caring

because right now, it doesn't feel like a lot of people care. at least not a lot of people in my immediate surroundings. i mean, i have my "housemates" and a couple friends, but I miss my peeps who've been there since high school (how lame does that sound? but it is true--i have know my two best friends since high school!). and when i get depressed and lonely, i tend to close up and not reach out to my amazing friends, which is totally what i should not be doing. thus, sending me a comment is like saying "hello, what the F is up?!" and i need that.

last weekend in chicago was a terrible disappointment. i swear, job interviews are like drunken hook-ups (not that i have many of the latter). but here you are, you get all whooped up on adrenaline (or alcohol) and are excited about this opportunity (or chick who has started to look more attractive), go through the interview (making out), and are afterward pretty disappointed (disgusted at yourself for 1. thinking that chick was hot 2. drinking that much alcohol and paying for it). the people who interviewed me were totally unprepared and acted like they didn't give a shit that i was there. so shame on me for stressing so much, paying for a crappy motel, taking off work and losing money as a result, and oh, btw, gas is expensive right now, so transportation is not cheap. i am out over $200 bucks as a result of going through a bunch of hoops to join an organization that you discover is not even that into you.

just like the random hook ups, you eventually get tired of it, for a variety of reasons, with the number one reason being that you realize that you are worth a lot more in terms of treatment and opportunity.

so i kind of felt like an interview whore last week.

seriously, who still asks you "what are three of your strengths and three of your weaknesses?" that seems like so seventh grade. then there was the stupid so-called "real life" situation which was explained so horribly that anyone's answer would have been wrong.

yeah, i realize we have to invest some in order to get "the" job, but i took two days out of my life and you gave me a half-ass 57 minutes for a job that i am not that into anymore. it was like i prepared for the romantic dinner and they were just going for the hookup.

i have not heard anything back, but i don't really care. because as cybil sheppard would have told me (or now heather locklear): because i'm worth it! as jack handy as this sounds, it's true gosh darnit! i've already invested a lot: in my education, in working hard to obtain applicable practical experience, in obtaining new skills, in learning new languages, in becoming a composed and professional individual. so although in many ways, i am desperate right now because my income is pathetic, i have no health insurance, i live in iowa, and i have an abusive supervisor, i am not that desperate. i hope not.

that is the crappy thing about the whole combination of temping and looking for a job. i feel bad about myself because i am doing something STUPID and working for someone who is a horrible human being. and then i feel bad about myself because i keep getting rejected from all of these positions. it's like getting knocked down onto a bed of nails. and i've kept getting up again, and again, and again. but i have my days, i guess we all do, so maybe i shouldn't be so hard on myself, because i feel guilty about feeling bad.

see what a nutcase i am?

so i went to neiman's after the interview and i spent a lot of money on kiehl's because i was basically out of everything since i haven't been buying it in order to save money. that pretty much reversed the money-saving trend. all in one fifteen minute trip to the kiehl's counter.

so now i am just praying for a miracle. that's really all that i feel i can do, because i have been trying everything else, alas, to no avail.

yesterdy rolla and i went with some people we know from le continental to the cubs game. no, not THE cubs, rather the I-Cubs i.e. the minor-league team here in dez moinay. it was fun, i got tan, and i drank too much. but thankfully, besides sending random "i love you" text messages, i did not make out with anyone and therefore had no regrets. i am sure i made inappropriate comments, but then i do not need to be intoxicated to do that.