so what is my seasonal job, you ask?

so i am coming off my third 15-hour day. fun times. in addition to caffeinating the masses, i now sell jewelry. the randomness is getting to be hilarious. and let me tell you, this ain't david yurman or cartier. it's crap with some pretentious name that is marked up about 300%. but it pays well and i get commission.

so that's the update.

10th grade

Think back to 10th grade...

Let see how much you remember and how much you regret

1. Who was your best friends?
-- amy...and uh, i don't remember

2. Who did you like?
-- audrey...i hate myself for that now

3. What sport did you play?
-- lol

4. Did you buy your lunch?
-- sometimes we had off-campus priviedges and then i did

5. It's Friday night, where were you?
-- prolly at home

6. Were you a party animal?
-- far from it

8. Ever smoke?
-- no

9. Did you get suspended/expelled?
-- no

10. Can you sing the alma mater?
-- i don't think we had one

11. Who was your favorite teacher?
-- miss reed, frau wong

12. What was your favorite class?
-- german, english

13. What was your schools full name?
-- Portland Lutheran High School

14. Did you go to the dances?
-- yes, i planned them because i was on student council

15. If you could go back and do it over, would you?
-- hell no

16. What do you remember most about 10th grade?
-- not much

17. Favorite memory in 10th grade?
-- probably fiddler on the roof

18. Were you ever posted up on the 10th graders wall?
-- no idea what that is

19. Did you have a job your 10th grade year?
-- being my parents' bitch

20. Where did you go most often for lunch?
-- mcdonald's

22. What did you do on the last day of school?
-- cleaned out my locker

23. Did you like 10th grade?
-- not really a fan of the whole high school experience

thanksgiving

so after the thanksgiving service wednesday night (and listening to my brother b!tch about having church for a civil holiday), AM, my closest friend here, decided to go out. we were going to go to the continental, so i headed down there. the guy playing that night was one i liked a lot. well, apparently, this bar/trying to be jazz club in dsm has become quite the place among the kids, and by the kids, i mean the alumni of valley high school, which has supposedly been ranked among the 10 snobbiest high schools in the US--who knew that you could find such a place in iowa. so there i was, trying to enjoy myself until AM figured out whether he was going to meet me there or if we would go to a dive. the music was good and the bartenders know what i drink without me asking, which makes me feel good and bad. anyway, the place filled and filled and filled with these valley high types. and a ot went through my mind.

first of all, i thought about the fact that i had no one with whom to reunite at this holiday. my friends are dispered accross the US and since my family no longer lives in oregon, i don't even get to see the few that remain there. so, pity party celebration number 1.

then i thought, wow, these people think they are so cool. and they are, right? i mean, they dress perfectly and have gone on the correct career/marriage/life paths and everything is handy dandy. they probably look at me and think, wow, who are you, you piece of sh!t?!

to which my initial reaction is, hmm, you have clothes from banana republic, but b!tches, i shop at neimans.

but of course that is shallow (and frankly, since i now make coffee for a, cough, living, not so much the case anymore).

it then occurred to me that the real meaning of this is much more significant. yes, everything has gone right for them, or at least it appears so. but everything i have been through has enriched my life so much. i wouldn't trade that for anything. i wrote a mini-poem in my head:

you are dressed in the finest linen,
but it will yellow with time.
the fabric of my life
is a rich tapestry
which will fade
but not lose its strength
and bear beauty and meaning
for generations.

ok, enough with that. i already met the poem (1) quota for this year anyway.
so i ditched the joint and met AM at the dive bar. it was a breath of fresh air. err, it was kind of smokey, but you know what i mean.

ah, you gotta love the holidays. hey, let's pretend everything is perfect more often!!! i get to have ten days of this. woopee.

after i got my caffeine and nicotine, though, i was ready for the cooking marathon followed by overendulgence. we had awesome cranberry gin martinis and onion tarts to start followed by the most perfect thanksgiving meal i have ever had. the wine was fantastic and the nap, well, if only it had never ended.

then we went to the movies. i chose, though i ended up doing a much better job than last year when my choice was "the family stone" which turned out not to be a light-hearted comedy, but really f-ing depressing. this year, we saw "happy feet." it was cute, yes, but the meaning also went along with what i had observed the previous evening.

life is enriched by adventures, failures, lessons learned, travels, heartbreaks, etc. in the end, what we have learned is valuable, for ourselves and others.
all of this from an evening in a bar and a children's movie...

...had to be at work at 4:25 this morning. sweet. why americans want to get up at 4 am the day after thanksgiving to shop is beyond me. but then, as my dad says, "no one ever lost money underestimating the stupidity of the american people." i think he might have stolen that from someone, but oh well.

tough day, but it is over. tomorrow, i start my seasonal job which actually pays much better. yeah, we'll see how that goes. i am sure i will have much to tell.

i so need that real job.

the job search

so i gotta find a real job, real soon. here's the tagline on my resume right now:

"Organized, collaborative, and innovative International Marketing and Project Management professional with three years of experience in marketing strategy, customer service, training and international project management. Seeking a Business Development or Marketing position that will utilize Masters of Arts in Global Finance and engage prior experience."

since i am in the iowhat, I have been toying around with some other ideas:

"marketing professional proficient in four languages and knows how to milk a cow."

or

"hard eurotrash shell, soft farm boy inside."

or

"i may wear big sunglasses and all black, but underneath, i am wearing overalls."

anyway.
had a bit of an axiety attack last night on the way to karaoke. the side effects of these carry onto the next day. thank god for the spaz drugs. so i took la canadienne's advice and gymed it. it helped!

i hate frappuccinos but i couldn't resist

White Chocolate Mocha Frappuccino

One of a kind and forward looking, you're the first to introduce a wacky new trend to your friends. And even if your ideas seem weird, they get adopted pretty quickly.

What Flavor Frappuccino Are You?

since there is no other way of communicating with her...

...vera's new profile pic is pure hotness.
you go.

one year

a year ago yesterday, i left south africa. i year ago today, i arrived in germany. i wrote my housemate from south africa a text message: "i arrived. it is cold and dark." it was quite a shock coming from sunny south africa to the dark winter of europe.
sitting here now, it is quite a shock what all has happened during the past 365 days.

i worked at a car rental company for 5 weeks because i needed the money.
i moved back to denver and spent two days in the car with my mom and my dog. i survived a night in utah.
i found an apartment in denver.
i decided working full-time and taking 18 credits was a good idea.
nawa and i struggled with house-training in a new environment.
hansen's in denver almost ruined my 25th birthday party.
i drank a lot of gin.
i went to new york and dc with zero money in my bank account.
i lost my first job unwillingly because the company for which i was consulting didn't listen to my advice and the client was unhappy.
i had several somewhat major financial crises.
i had a seizure.
i had another seizure.
i had to take a lot of tests.
i decided to only get one master's degree.
i was fat (see prom pictures--not so pretty).
i finished school.
i went to AZ and LA with LJ.
i moved to iowa.
i vowed never to take amtrak again.
i was bored.
i got a job making coffee and pretending to be people's friends.
i lost thirty pounds.
i got rid of most of my possessions.
i reconnected with my family.
i went to germany.
i felt great.
i came back to iowa.
i did more purging and more of keeping myself busy.
i still make coffee.
i need a real job.

i feel lonely and do not know what to do next. but i am actually okay. i am okay with this in a weird way. because in a lot of ways, i am better off because of everything.

you guys deserve to know, because you've been with me through most of this.
smooches.

so, um, yeah

i've had a tough couple of weeks. life dreams and plans being crushed, blah, blah, blah. tell oprah, you say, cause we don't care.
but i am so blessed with friends, two in particular who i love and hate for the fact that they tell me exactly what i would tell them.
i wish the one from the germ wasn't in german because it was one of the best e-mails i have ever received.
so even though i am depressed, confused, and unsure of what next steps to take, i recognize that i have been blessed in other ways.