hey, i am here

yes, i am a temp. i have no internet access during the day and the connection at home has, per usual, been if-y.
so i am a "financial analyst" at a major bank. it pays pretty well, which is nice. i have a nice cubicle mate, also a "f-a-temp", who also smokes, so we have a common bond. we don't talk much, but that is okay, since i don't think we'd have much to chat about.
it is so freaking cold here! i swear my ears have almost fallen off a couple of times!

i do have exciting news. i have a job interview next thursday for a job i am pretty excited about. so i will be preparing for that this weekend. wow--a real, live interview!!!!!!!!!

that's about it.

the abc's of amischwab

A is for Age: almost 26 (crap!)

B is for Beer of choice: Fat Tire

C is for Career: I'll let you know later.

D is for favourite Drink: espresso, gin and tonic

E is for Essential item I use everyday: lots of Kiehl's stuff

F is for Favourite song at the moment: "could you be loved" by bob marley

G is for favourite Game: i hate games, i do like playing tennis, though

H is for Hometown: duh, er, ahem

I is for Instruments I play: piano, used to be able to play saxaphone, clarinet, cello, and viola

J is for favourite Juice: orange i guess

K is for Kisses: to too hard, not too soft, not too wet or dry

L is for Last kiss: i wish i could remember

M is for Meaning of Life: most people are dumb and lazy but will not admit it, which is the root of all problems

N is for Noticeable Scars: knee and elbow--mountain biking snafoo in germany; stomach--apendectomy; left wrist--scratch from nawa

O is for Overnight Hospital stays: several

P is for Phobias: mannequins

Q is for Quote: "africa unite, for we're moving from babylon"

R is for Rice Krispie Squares: yes, i like them

S is for Steak: medium well, with sauce

T is for Time I wake up: normally around 5, since i have been unemployed, more like 9

U is for Underwear: i try to match with what i am wearing

V is for Vegetables I love: corn, carrots, snow peas, tomatoes (technically not a veg, but oh well), zucchini, cucumbers

W is for Worst habit: smoking and shaving irregularly

X is for X-rays I’ve had: most recently, my head.

Y is for Yummy food I make: schnitzel, spaetzle, coconut curry chicken, pad thai, lemon caper chicken

Z is for Zodiac: cock

the dichotomy

so i am in yet another small town today, perry. for some reason, when i think of where i eventually want to live, it is either in the city or in the country/very small town. the suburbs do not interest me. what can metropolis and smallville have in common? i am discovering that the similarity is that people talk to each other and know each other. they are interested in each other's lives. it takes on different forms, different media, but the concept is the same. people are so closed off in the burbs--they are almost lifeless. people go to their jobs in the city and then close themselves off in their house or tightly fenced backyard.
i suppose this is totally obvious to everyone else.

indianola

the central iowa tour continues. yesterday's destination was a town called indianola. the countryside was beautiful. some of the pictures are a little crooked due to taking pictures while driving.

the last of the fauxhicans...

...if i look skeptical, it's because i am

so i got a faux-hawk (sp?). i told the lady who cuts my hair, marypat, to do whatever. someone screams in the background "do something fun and trendy." this is all she knew how to do in that category and i am not even sure it counts as trendy anymore, so now i prolly have a passe haircut. marypat said she saw it on a bartender the other night and it looked good. ye-ah, that is that the image i am going for. new do--new career?

it's like you were here

coffee shops, free wifi, c'est la vie

i never claimed this stuff was interesting

so it's day 2 of the 365-day weekend. at least half of my caloric intake has been chocolate because i am too lazy to eat anything else and it has been while since i have eaten chocolate and i have a bunch still from christmas. another quarter of my calories has come from beer, the remainder from actual food. since coffee and tea don't really have significant caloric value, they do not get a portion of the total, though i have consumed a bunch of each.
i have looked at a lot of jobs. i have applied for, uh, none of them.
i have done half of a load of laundry (i.e. it is not dry yet).
so basically, i have wasted a bunch of time. and so now the guilt and anxiety will set in, which means i will go home and try to start doing a bunch of stuff, that is, unless i go have a drink somewhere, which will just put me to sleep.
i am in ames, which is north of dsm in the iowhat. i just needed to go somewhere different. it is the home of ISU, so it's basically a college town and there is a coffee shop on main st. that has free wi-fi, hence my ability to write this.
a lady accross the room is staring at me as i down the sixth of eight mini chocolate bars.
a guy with a very long beard just walked past me in a polka dot dress. not the outfit i would have chosen today.

ooo, that sixth chocolate bar may have been the last. now experiencing the beginning of what may be a candy hangover.
i am drinking rooibos tea, which has been brewed in a glass caraffe. i know tea is pretty in these glass caraffe things, but they do not really keep them warm. it's a liter of water just getting colder and colder. and i will probably have to stop and go to the bathroom ten tims on the 45 minutes drive back to dsm.

i am supposed to go out tonight (tuesday! party up!) with some now former co-workers/friends to celebrate my freedom from the retail coffee business, but i kind of want to watch a movie at home. but maybe i will find the energy. kind of wrong when you don't want to be at your own party.

if the temp agency is correct, i should start a 5-6 week project management job sometime next week. but i have become skeptical about all of this job stuff, so i will believe it when my ass is in the cubicle. in the meantime, expect more of this uninteresting stuff.

unexpected

vera randomly pops up with comments sometimes that are simply the best. she sent me a link to some metal-ish group whose lyrics i couldn't really understand until i followed along with the text. but the last words, spoken, meant the most to me, because i have found them to be so unexpectedly true:

"despair is when we know without a doubt what the future will bring, so in that sense, despair is not only a sin, theologically, it is also a simple mistake, because no one actually knows.
In that sense, there always is hope."

i like them so much, I have made them my new tag line (to your right).

Thanks, v.

shoveling snow...

...goes well with bob marley on your iPod. try it.

the midwestern education continues

we are having our first real snow here in iowhat. it is still all a novelty to me, so my thoughts are not,
"what if we get snowed in and don't have food and basic supplies?"
but rather,
"what if we run out of wine?"

i shoveled snow for the first time that i can remember today (picture to follow). not enough snow to shovel in oregon and in denvuh and germany, i always had a service to do it for me. it was not as glamorous as i had expected. but at least i could skip the gym.

this evening is my last shift at the coffee company. i am so not looking forward to working, though i am doing the shift with some good people. i suppose that is how last days are at most places. i have had many last days, but they have usually involved cleaning out my desk and having extended lunches with colleagues, oh and purging my hard drive. oh the cushy corporate life.

what will i do tomorrow? not sure--been awhile since i have not had a job to go to. it kind of scares me, but i am sure i will keep busy. finding a job is, after all, a full-time job. i was kind of hoping to go see my grandparents out on the coast, but when you're unemployed, especially voluntarily unemployed, dropping cash on a trip, though an important one, is not such a good strategy. i might go to wisconsin and see my brother instead, that is, if the weather holds.

i knew the past couple weeks would be tough because i would be wanting to not be at the job anymore and i would be nervous about finding another one. the next couple of few weeks will be interesting. i am trying to take delight in this and not be afraid.

this is part of taking back my life.

i'm such a bandwagoner

new year, new look, even new URL--that seems to be the trend.
the blog is, afterall, a living thing.
er, kind of.
so i jumped on.
i feel cool now.
cool like a canadian.

donuts?

i have worked in a variety of indutries, but never within the baking industry, if there is such a defined thing (which I am guess there is not).
so i keep getting these e-mails from donotreply@abcxyz.com. why are donuts replying to me at all of these companies when i have no experience in the donut industry?
then i realized, it was an "o" and not a "u" and it was saying DO NOT REPLY.
donuts on the brain--the problem with my job search.

oh, the uncertainty

yes, i quit the coffee shop. as of sunday, i will be unemployed. ah, the 365-day weekend. in the meantime, i am hoping to have a break and hopefully do temp jobs while continuing to apply for positions that have three components: they pay, they are for a company that is doing something valuable, and i can do them. is that asking so much?
basically, the coffee job was sucking the life out of me, which did not put me in a good position to be interviewing or applying for jobs. i mean, i was applying for stuff, but i was not myself--i was exhausted and bitter all the time. so i took the leap and gave my two weeks on new year's eve (yes, i had something real to celebrate).
you knew all of that already, i realize.
but so far, it has worked. i am ami-schwab again! perhaps not totally.
in 2006, i lost grasp on my life.
in 2007, i will take it back.
and i am.

what can I say?

i wish i could come up with an interesting set of things to write here, a "2006 in review" if you will. on one hand, you've been with me, though virtually, through it all. on the other hand, i have little to say.
i do not make resolutions. i do not enjoy setting myself up for failure. i recognize that january 1 is ultimately an arbitrary date. but i do appreciate it symbolic meaning--a chance for a new start.
since i am, in addition to being all business savvy, also a romantic and fan of literature, i can appreciate the symbolic, so i have embraced in some ways this day.
for one, 2007 has started out way better than 2006. in 2006, i rang in the new year in freakin' utah in a crappy motel with a worked up dog and an equally worked up mother on my way back to denver. not sure which part was the worst.
2007 was spent with friends here in the iowhat, friends who have stuck by me during this time of transition or limbo, however it turns out. there was nothing extra-ordinary about the night. we had a good-enough time. it was better than utah for sure.
i wanted to be able to say i had had some sense of rebirth over the holidays. frankly, they wore me out.
the fam and i did venture to kansas city to do some shopping and some historical tourism. so i used my two days off to do stuff. would have also benefitted from spending them in bed. but good times still the same.
my attitude is good, though. i am sticking with trying to be positive and doing my best at the whole having faith thing. my iPod and my devotions help me as does the occassional gin and tonic.
i quit my job at the coffee place. it sucked the life out of me. that is a huge step for me. i love my people there, but i hated the business. going on job interviews being exhausted and bitter is not such a good strategy. hopefully i can temp in the meantime. i really hope, actually, because visa needs some money from me, about once a month actually (so demanding!). i have faith it will work out.

what i can say at the beginning of 2007 is that despite the fact that i am literally floored by 2006, my heart is also filled with gratefulness for the amazing people i have encountered along the way and the amazing support those already in my life have given me. yes, it has all been exceedingly difficult, but i have grown so much.

and growth is a sign of life.

Abschied 2006