my weekend

despite being still very upset that i was not able to solve any of the puzzles at crowe's get-together on saturday night, it has been a great weekend. well, i guess the other downside is that i have probably gained back all of the weight i have lost since the damn seizure forced me to be all european and crap and walked everywhere. my goodness, i have eaten so much! eggs benedict on saturday, really good steak on saturday evening, lemon pound cake and a venti white mocha with whip this morning, orange chicken for lunch, and a yummy burger at red robin for dinner tonight. oh, and a couple icee's mixed in there somewhere (gotta keep hydrated you know).

it has been wonderful to be with my parents. the last few weeks have been nerve-wracking. i've been in limbo wondering what is wrong with me and what the heck i am going to do with my life in like 5 weeks. i knew i needed to take some time off, but that didn't stop me from worrying about what would come after that. i was making half-ass plans that i wasn't really excited about. my parents reminded me of what i really want to do. well, they didn't remind me, they asked me how things would look ideally. and so i am going to go after those dreams--i have to.

this means, i am spending the summer in iowa. yeah, a little concerned about that since i know a total of ONE person there (though she is my BFF fo' reels). i am going to get a mindless job and save money and keep up with my bills and build a little nest egg. and then in september, i am going to go to germany for kerstin's wedding and to have fun with christian. and then i am going to apply to the daimlerchrysler international management associate program (IMAP--germans totally love the abbreviations). i have wanted to work for daimler for, let's see, about 8 years. i have pretty good connections, i can work the network, and hopefully i will be blogging from stuttgart next year. this is what i really want to do. yes, it would be fun to move back to seattle--it seems like everyone is moving there for one reason or another, but i just couldn't think of anything i really wanted to do there (sorry guys).

i will probably go crazy in iowa. i have a feeling i will be reading a lot of books and doing a lot of writing. it is totally nerdy that i will be living with my parents, but sometimes you gotta do stuff like this. it's not like grad school has increased the amount of financial resources i have. let's see, i have exhausted all of my savings (except the Roth IRA) and excessive debt has ruined my credit. yay! what a great experience!

the people have made it worth it. you guys have been my survival. and you've really shown that even more in the past few weeks with your concern and assistance. THANKS!

a few random things...

...peipei and i took the drunk bus to gaylord street last night, which was embarassing at first because we were the only two people on the bus and felt very exposed. at one point while at hemmingway's, this girl who was prawley about a size 2 walked in with a gucci purse that was about halt her size. at one point, i leaned over, tapped her on the shoulder, and said "that is a really big bag!" and she responded "haha, yes..." to which i replied, "but it's gucci" to which i received a glare back.

...i realized that in my "about me" section, i wrote "i am studing global finance..." which is interesting. have i impregnated this field?

...my parents will be here tomorrow morning! yay!

nerd alert

so, with this whole seizure thing and the drugs that go along with it, i am supposed to get a medical ID bracelet (sigh). i've been looking around. being that i am the man of fashion, i don't want the chain ones. i am thinking a nice silver cuff or similar would be good. which one do we like? sorry, i am asking a lot of questions today!

blue steel

i've decided to enter crystal's blue steel-off, but I am not sure which picture I should enter. so i need votes from anyone who happens by here for which one I should enter:

#1 "blue"














#2 "africa"





















#3 "ice"














#4 "heya"















i admit, these pictures have not been taken exclusively for the purpose of this contest, they are just part of my collection of sexy model pics, although my modelling career ended abruptly three years ago when my stomach was ripped open to remove my appendix which was about to ooze poinsonous puss into my abdomen.

oh really

What Famous Leader Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

Somewhere between Frankfurt, Johannesburg....and Spanky’s

after a long day of deep cleaning and packing, it was time to get out of the little apartment that is my home and reward myself with something cool. So I grabbed my Nadine Gordimer book that I have been trying to finish for months, and walked around the corner to Spanky’s Roadhouse where they had cider on special. I am not a huge cider lover, but it was on special, so I decided to try it. Usually the only time I drink cider is in Frankfurt, which is well-known for it. In Frankfurt, however, it is known as Apfelwein (apple wine) and in the summer, it is drunk like water. Frankfurt has always been a transit point for me—between the US and other points in Germany, within Germany itself, or on the way to other destinations—South Africa, Namibia, Prague. So apple wine has become a ritual for me in Frankfurt. This cider, although from California, tasted exactly like the apple wine—my body was transported to a muggy summer day in Frankfurt while reading my book about post-Apartheid South Africa, which took my mind back to Clifton Avenue in Pretoria and all of the tension that still exists there. Had I been in South Africa yesterday, on a lazy afternoon with Kerstin, Pieter and Jan watching the Bollywood movie on SABC 3 (which Pieter would complain about being boring and stupid) and drinking gin and tonics, we would have retired to an afternoon nap and awoke to build a grand fire to braai boerwors and corn on the cob. Nawa would be at our feet under the cheap plastic garden table, hoping to grab any bits of food that fell from our paper plates. One of our friends from work, sitting on the kitchen steps, would try and get her to drink beer (Windhoek Lager, of course), to which she would oblige, before I would start yelling at them and banish Nawa to the living room for the evening. I would usually play “American Pie,” which was always a novelty to the Germs.
For a few moments, I was somewhere between Frankfurt and Johannesburg and Spanky’s, which is just ueber American.

Yesterday’s deep cleaning also involved a LOT of laundry, so Nawa and I walked over to the DU Laundrette to get quarters. Turns out it was Greek Week at DU so the grassy area between the law school and Sturn Hall was filled with a bunch of fraternity and sorority people doing something which I couldn’t really figure out. Nawa has the potential to be quite a chick magnet. Although she is full-grown, she has kept her girlish looks and according to outsiders, is “soooooo cute!” So in an instant, I was surrounded by about six blonde bulimics in oversized sunglasses and undersized shorts and tops. Nawa just flipped over on her back and soaked up the attention. A frat guy walked over and asked what kind of dog she was, and not wanting to explain Nawa’s weird genetic makeup, just said she was a South African breed, to which he responded, “Duuuuuude dog, you’re from South Africa!” While Nawa could probably bask in the attention for hours, my tolerance for the Greek system is low, and it was time to go.

I hate it when you’re somewhere and someone is having a shit-fit on their cell phone. Seriously, we do not need to hear about your roommate drama. Please scream at your mother over the phone outside of Starbucks.

Why do people wear tube socks with shorts? I can accept it if there is a good reason, but otherwise, it kinda looks silly. And I thought it had been declared that nylons with sandals was a bad thing, unless this decision has been changed, in which case, I was not informed.

narcolepsy

so i walked into this office today and looked in the back and there was a woman with her eyes closed not moving. so i thought, holy crap, she's dead or something. well, i whispered to the other woman in the office "is she okay?" and she whispered back, "she's narcoleptic." it was just weird, though. you know, you walk into an office and there is this woman in a nice business suit totally taking a snooze. and it made me wonder if she is like having meetings with outside people and she conks out if they totally freak out too or if before every meeting she says "by the way, i have narcolepsy." any narcoleptics out there who know?

a warm up for my brain

stolen from this dude

1. My roommate once: did something really inappropriate on the bunk below me.

2. Never in my life: have i watched a freddy kruger movie.

3. The one person who can drive me nuts, but then can always manage to make me smile: is probably leanne.

4. High School was: not the best time of my life.

5. When I'm nervous: my heart races.

6. The last time I cried: was watching the movie "crash"

7. If I were to get married right now my bridesmaids/groomsmen would be: my brutha, christian, duncan (cause of that pact we made five years ago in namibia), matty numbchucks

9. My hair: is getting too long--i need a haircut.

10. When I was 5: i really wanted a teddy ruxbin but my parents could not afford it.

11. Last Christmas: i had to work on Christmas Eve, yuk.

12. When I turn my head left, I see: a calendar in my boss' office.

13. I should be: less stressed.

14. When I look down I see: a very tasty muffin from jazzman's cafe.

15. The craziest recent event was: (really, there are too many recently to pick one).

16. If I were a character on Friends I'd be: um, chandler, i guess, since i've been told i look like him, but i am not sure.

17. By this time next year: i better have a sweet job and not be in freakin' denver.

18. Current Relationship Status: single, single, single.

19. I had a hard time understanding: this short film in germany of cockney street kids--i had to read the german subtitles.

20. One time at a family gathering: it was really awkward, oh wait, that is every family gathering.

21. You know I "like" you if: like, like you like you, or just like you? hmmm, i'll prolly tell you.

22. If I won an award, the first person(people) I'd thank is/are: God, then my parents and friends.

23. Take my advice: it's not worth it.

24. My ideal breakfast is: coffee.

25. If you visit a place I grew up: you'd see a lot of houses that weren't there before.

26. Where do you plan to visit anytime soon: Germany, for a wedding.

27. If you spend the night at my house: i will give you my bed and i will sleep on the floor.

28. I'd stop my wedding if: i was sure it was really ME that was supposed to get married.

29. The world could do without: dictators.

30. I'd rather lick the belly of a cockroach than date: your mom (no offense).

31. Most recent thing you've bought yourself: a mocha and stamps. soon i will buy a new "professional' bag.

32. Most recent thing someone else bought for you: a cure CD.

33. My favorite blonde is: Amy Klein.

34. My favorite brunette is: right now, my mom.

36. The last time I was drunk was: sunday (leanne knows this)

37. The animals I would like to see flying besides birds are: dogs.

38. I shouldn't have been: drunk on sunday.

39. Once, at a bar: in prague, i danced on a chair.

40. Last night I: had a hard time sleeping.

41. There's this girl I know who: always has a huge pimple in the same place.

42: I don't know: anyone remotely famous.

43. A better name for me would be: the one i have--suits me pretty damn well.

44. If I ever go back to school I'll: ask my friends to hit me really hard over the head.

45. How many days until my birthday?: shoot, that is too much to calculate.

you know you're on a college campus when

where else (ok, besides eugene or boulder perhaps) would you be walking around and have someone say to you, "Would you like to know your carbon footprint and get some free organic chocolate."

and where else, well, maybe this is DU specific, would you see a guy walking accross campus in an expensive suit with a bag to which he has sewn a corona patch on.

please, let me be in the real world.

tax day

i admit it, i did my taxes today. but hi, i've had a few things going on, like having a seizure and of course, i can't neglect my social life. i hope i did them right. i got auditted once (wasn't my fault--my employer had reported something incorrectly) so i am always nervous.
so my thoughts when i woke up were, crap, i need to do my taxes, which took me to the library where i would have internet access, which means that i have really ended up wasting a lot of time on stupid MySpace which is completely stupid and pointless, like most addictions i suppose.

i wrote a cover letter today for a place other than the company with whom i am still not on good terms. i just want to leave denver. i spoke with an italian woman on thursday who said it so well (of course in a hot italian accent): "Denver has no soul"

yep.

btw, who is that creepy woman in the library every saturday? don't look at me lady!

nbd

i am not sure if this is an actual abbreviation used on AIM conversations for "no big deal", like btw, brb, ttyl, lol...etc. but kaiser seems to be treating this whole seizure thing like it's "nbd" since an urgent referral to the neurologist means you get in to see them in two weeks, which will then be five weeks after the fact. so i guess i should treat it as nbd as well. maybe.

speaking of AIM talk, a german pointed out to me once that when you actually say "btw" you really aren't saving any time because "by the way" actually has fewer syllables than "btw." whatever. silly germans.

OMG!

the real world is coming to denver...what?

your daily dose of german poetry

In der Dunkelheit und der Stille der Nacht
Schweigt mein Kopf nicht
Denn
Ich denke daran,
Was sein könnte
Und was nicht sein könnte.

Ich denke an die Vergangenheit
Und die Zukunft.
Bin ich daran Schuld,
Was passiert ist
Und was passieren wird?
Oder
War das ganze nur
Ein kleines Teil
Der grossen Planes?

Und ich erinnere mich daran:
Oh Gott,
Ich bin nicht meins
Nur Deins.

Ich schlafe ein
Und es ist mir egal,
Ob ich wieder aufwecke,
Denn
Ich bin immer bei Dir.

In the darkness and stillness of night
My head does not hush
Then
I think about
What could be
And what could not.

I think of the past
And the future.
Am I to blame for
What has happened
And what will?
Or
Was it all only
A small part
Of the large plan.

And I remember:
Oh God,
I am not my own
Only yours.

I fall asleep
And I do not care
If I awake
Then
I am always with You.

so how i feel

heatherfeather once again comes up with an away message that hits home. how does she always manage to do that? it's like she can read my mind.

speaking of mind reading, i had an EEG this morning. first of all, i recommend never going to the hospital by yourself--way too scary and depressing.
the EEG test was gross. well, not the test itself. see, they have to GLUE 22 electrodes to your scalp so you feel like you have rubber cement in your hair, literally. even after the technician scrubs it out, it's still there. and when you have to take the bus home (because, hello, you can't drive until june 28 which remains a major pain in the ass!) the glue has a chance to dry and harden.
but i wondered during the test if she could tell what i was thinking by my brain waves. not like mind reading per se but like if i was thinking something happy or sad (or dirty).

boldly to boulder

it was a beautiful day, so peipei, elena and myself took a mini-roadtrip to boulder, aka eugene to the extreme! there are some seriously cracked out people there! after walking around pearl street mall for a bit, we headed up into the flatiron range for some hiking....ok, well, it was more like driving around and stopping at good photo-op spots.
we ended out day in boulder at a tajik tea house which was donated to boulder by its sister city in tajikistan. it was a lovely building.
to quote peipei, "today was a good day." pictures on flickr------------------->

PROM!!!!!!!!!!!

last night was the gsis prom. it was way fun, despite the few senseless people who WORE JEANS! wtf! seriously, you almost ruined my night. per usual, i was dateless, but then, so was everyone else for the most part i suppose. here are some pictures....more on the flickr page to the right------->

elena, amischwab and peipei

rachel and amischwab's prom pictureheatherfeather is really excited about somethingjay and i

brain scan

last night i had an MRI. heatherfeather was kind enough to take me to the radiology place in her old lady car AND even got me a frosty from wendy's for which i forgot to give her money (i don't have a good history of this, you will recall from previous posts, however, this time i believe i only owe her $1.08). hf also got to meet nawa, the psycho puppy.

we got to the MRI place and i asked the lady if they could play my cure CD while I was in the tube because someone had told me that they did this. the receptionist laughed at me. i later understood why.

i was disappointed i didn't get to wear one of the buttless gowns for this thing. i just kept on my normal clothes. so that was kind of a bummer because i figured it would be an awesome photo op. all i had to do was take off my belt because of the metal.

so i layed down on the plank and they strapped my head down. i was told not to move. how am i supposed to moved when you've strapped my head down?

i learned that an MRI machine costs about $2.5 MILLION dollars....the accessories cost another $1 MILLION. the actual test costs $1250 to do, and then the radiologist who looks at the results get about $250. see, i'm a good business person, i totally checked out the financials on this!

anyway, now strapped to a plank, was was shoved into a tiny tube and the fun began. i just closed my eyes. MRI's are done in sets of pictures. each set has it's own sound, or beat as i liked to think about it. some of them reminded me of the paul van dyk concert i went to once. so i looked at the whole thing as a creative opportunity, since i have always wanted to be a techno DJ. it was like every five minutes i got a beat to play around it. but i can understand how the noise drives other people crazy i.e. people who don't like techno music like myself.

the whole thing lasted about 25 minutes. i got my belt back. heatherfeather and i headed south again in her old lady car. i needed a beer, so she dropped me off at the local watering hole. there i met bridget who had just been fired for drinking on the job. bridget's friend had a stroke last year and her mom "almost" had an aneurysm last year, and both of them are totally fine, so her thinking was that i will also be totally fine, since i know her.

outstanding logic, bridget.

well, our conversation was short-lived. i ended up chatting with a few south americans. i realized i really don't know a lot about south america or south americans, which is odd, since they're like right next door. i got all the other continents covered--asians, africans, europeans, even australians. admitedly, i do not know any penguins, but there was this kid in high school whose dad took him to antarctica, so maybe that counts.

what a difference a week makes

the plan has changed in the last few days. i am graduating in june! it is exciting, but also scary. i will be spending some time in iowa after i graduate to rest and relax and save a bit of money before beginning the real job search. i am so excited to be finished with school. i feel like i have my life back. again, it is amazing, but scary. things will work out, i have faith. i feel really good about this decision. and now i can focus on my friends here in denver for the last couple of months.
not being able to drive sucks, but i am extremely grateful to all of you who have been taking me around to take care of errands and doctor appointments. THANK YOU!

sunshine and memories

it is funny how you remember stuff. like today, sitting out in the sun for a brief moment, i was reminded of spring in berlin. berlin's winters can be very dark and gloomy, so when the sun comes out and it is warm, everyone is happy. when i was living in berlin the second time, i wrote about spring in the city...

Spring really makes a city crazy, and when spring is still trying to make up its mind whether or not to begin, the city becomes schizophrenic. Berlin suffers from this disorder, just as any city in the Pacific Northwest does. The moment the temperature gauge sneaks above 60 degrees or a few rays of sun make their way through the overcast sky, everyone gets caught up in a frenzy. Everyone calls in sick in order to enjoy the rare chance at warmth and sunlight. And each area of the city reacts differently.

In my neighborhood, the Arab-dominated Neukölln, all of the used furniture or “antique” shops as some of them are called, move out onto the wide sidewalks. Old men sit on their fine piece of 1970’s retro furniture, and share a water pipe filled with apple-flavored tobacco and sip the traditional tea enjoyed throughout North Africa and the Middle East, which is sweet enough to send a person to the dentist. In my back courtyard, children play under the tree that is trying very hard to get its leaves. Their laughter and cries sound almost like music echoing off of the cement walls, that is, until someone gets punched or pushed in a game of tag around the trash bins, and then the musical aspect is lost. One thing that doesn’t change is how the women in the neighborhood dress. They still keep covered, head to toe, complete with stockings, long skirts, bulky sweaters, and head wraps. In even this little amount of heat, I cannot imagine this is very comfortable.

During the sun breaks, another group appears that one less-frequently encounters during rainy periods, namely anarchist/punks/alternatives, however one wants to define them, though I am sure they would not appreciate your definition. In any case, these are the people you see wearing all black with studded leather jewelry and part of their body pierced that you didn’t know could be pierced. Lately, the loose piece of skin right about the bridge of the nose between the eyes has become a popular place among the kids to place a bar- bell piercing. On sunny days, most of the members (or should I say non-members) of this undefined group hang out on corners with their dozens of dogs and drink cheap beer, though there are a few of them who decide to be creative and try to earn a few cents, probably to finance the beer for later or. Aside from the typical begging scheme with a sign explaining how they need to buy dog food, some resort to washing windows at busy intersections during red lights. This reminds me of Johannesburg or Cape Town, though I don’t think you have to worry about these people car-jacking you and speeding off with your Volkswagen. I am always curious about where the non-defined disappear to during the rain, but since they always manage to reemerge, I am sure they must make do somehow.

In areas of Berlin that are less multicultural, such as the far west, people also move outside, for reasons of enjoyment and especially vanity. Even the stiffest looking old people can be seen enjoying a tall glass of beer in one of Berlin’s hundreds of street cafes. You might even spot an elderly woman in her jacquard-knit Chanel skirt suit and Hermes purse walking out of an air-conditioned bar, looking slightly more relaxed than when she came in, though one cannot tell for sure as she hides behind her gaudy tortoise shell eyeglasses. By far the most affected area of the city is Mitte district, literally the middle. The sun provides the urban Berliners and Berliner-wannabes the chance to take off as many clothes as they can and sport the new spring lines and sunglasses that cost more than I make in a month. This crowd also frequents the street cafes, but wear looks that express not so much enjoyment, but the pain of being oh-so-trendy.

The Pariser Platz in front of the Brandenburg Gate is also very lively on sunny days. Once a person manages to make it through the maze of blockades and tanks in front of the American and British embassies, one becomes part of an almost cosmopolitan scene in the capital city. At the Starbucks on one of the corners on the square, ironically next door to the French embassy, the outdoor tables are packed. About half of those assembled are Americans or other foreign tourists who have discovered that German coffee is terrible and that they are willing to pay triple the price for a latte that doesn’t make your face pucker from bitterness. The remaining half of those at the American coffee shop are Germans not from Berlin who have only heard of this entity know as Starbucks, most of them from small cities and villages. They pay for the experience of saying that they went to Starbucks in Berlin. For Berliners, it would be an absolute shame to give in and drink coffee at the multi-national chain, though you know that many of them have been converted after discovering that coffee can actually taste good. The outsiders sit at the tables and gawk at the activity on and around the square. Here, one often finds camera crews finding out what the man on the street has to say about this or that at the parliament around the corner. There are street performers from southern Europe playing accordions and tambourines, German marines on a special visit to the capital, and plenty of Asian tourists who sadly do nothing to work against our American stereotypes—they too wear camcorders, digital cameras, and old-fashioned film cameras all around one neck. For the Germans not from Berlin, all of this activity is exciting, while for most Berliners, it is more of an annoyance than anything. At times, the outsiders are surprised by what they see. There might be some group of protestors wearing exuberant costumes, a motorcade might accompany a Mercedes-Benz S Class with tinted windows and pull up in front of the noble Hotel Adlon, or two men might walk by holding hands. Of this, Berliners are proud. They are glad that their city has enough shock value to keep the tourists coming, but then, just enough to make sure they remain tourists.

On the other sides of the Brandenburg Gate, in the Tiergarten, the spring fun continues. The Tiergarten is a huge park with plenty of grassy meadows for laying in the sun and thickets for jogging or basking in the shade and listening the mix of birds chirping and traffic. Nude sunbathing is also popular in the Tiergarten and there are special lawns reserved for those who wish to engage in this activity. For those who don’t wish to visit the open-air peep show, there is plenty of space in the park for enjoying strolls, having a picnic, or playing soccer. Of course, this is still Germany, so one has to make sure they don’t kick the ball around on one of the meadows reserved for picnicking, or perhaps worse, one reserved for nude sun-bathing, which could have painful consequences should the ball land in any un-protected areas. Old men here take naps with their dogs snuggled up to them, yuppies go jogging, and mothers push their baby buggies that look like they were made to carry the child through the Alps with their super-thick rubber tires, brakes and shock systems.

Often, clouds begin to move in again around five o’clock, and the city moves inside just as quickly as it moved out. The evening will have to be spent indoors, though the euphoria of a day outside in the sun will remain and hopefully ensure sweet dreams.

wisdom from a laptop

something else i stole from heatherfeather who stole it from someone else...

the iTunes magic 8 ball

What do you think of me, itunes?
every heartbeat--amy grant (that's pretty clear)

Will I have a happy life?
hope--mandoza (I have no idea what he says in the song)

What do my friends really think of me?
mess around--ray charles (people, i'm trying to get it together)

Do people secretly lust after me?
praise you--fat boy slim (so, yes?)

How can I make myself happy?
wannabe--spice girls (so, to get the girl and be happy, i gotta get with her friends?)

What should I do with my life?
all you need is love--lynden david hall (ok...)

Why must life be so full of pain?
places in my past--james taylor

How can I maximize my pleasure during sex?
strength, courage, and wisdon--india.arie (alright!)

Will I ever have children?
no need to argue--the cranberries (well, there you have it)

Will I die happy?
nirgendwo in afrika (nowhere in africa)--soundtrack (i guess that is a nice thought)

Can you give me some advice?
get it together--india.aria (thanks...)

What do you think happiness is?
your love is king--will young (we all need more love)

What's my favorite fetish?
beautiful day--mary j. blige (i do like sunny days, like yesterday with peipei at wash park!)